I don't claim to be the greatest or most technically proficient musician or vocalist in the world but I can fake it well enough and I love to entertain a crowd. I attend open mic nights and karaoke events whenever I can. It's fun to me. I love music, I love making a total ass out of myself and these things usually occur at establishments with liquor licenses. It's a perfect storm for some wilings and stilings. But I am a world-class critic and easily dis-entertained by things most people wouldn't care to notice let alone by which to feel annoyed. Alas, there is heaven and hell, fire and ice, friction and lubrication with everything in life - so it goes with Open Mic nights and Karaoke bars.
Three things you can count on from Mr. Manny Stiles - as an artist - is as follows: something different, something interesting (at best or at worst) and something you wouldn't have ever considered doing. That's not only true for my "music" but any creation I undertake - as indicated by my writings in this blog, for example.
Maybe I don't have the same outlook or hard and fast rules of public behavior as most and maybe I don't follow all the accepted guidelines of the proper procedures for artistic conduct but I don't hold anyone to my mores and predetermined/prejudged methods either. I mean, I'm not shitting all over the stage and smearing it on myself and calling it "art" but from a theoretical and expressionist view - perhaps I am.
There's always going to be people in any organized realm that think they know better for everyone. People who think they are the "In crowd" unwittingly serving the purpose of "biggest suckers"/"beloved patrons". They occur in every realm. These are the same type of people who know every detail about the next soon-to-be-marketed blockbuster movie, the latest gossip about the most minor and forgettable Hollywood 'starlet' and all the essential manipulations to --- insert a science fiction/fantasy realm game/book/what-have-you here ----. They are consumers at large to the most devouring order. They take non-essential knowledge and apply a distorted value to it to greater fluff their listless egos.
These are the same people who despite all this intricate knowledge and minutia in wares of entertainment probably couldn't tell you the name of their next door neighbor, spend more time and money on television/computer leisure and anaerobic indoor recreation than their mental, physical or spiritual well being and certainly rarely get the opportunity to locate Dr. Grafenberg's spot. Their heaven on earth is a selfish environment of escapism and futilely non-social. Consuming the product is more important than poking one's head behind the veil of illusion. That's the way the game works - all behind the veil know how much it sucks and also know that they are out of business if everyone lost that magic ability to suspend their disbelief (or grow a sense of disbelief in some people's case).
Regardless, these people exist across the spectrum of life's experiences. I only use the movie/video game/techno nerd as an example because 1) we ALL know at least one of these dorks, 2) they are easy to pick on and 3) I'm definitely not one of them! Sure, I could have used fish geek aquariasts, green-thumbed amateur botanists, kitchen-scratchers (at-home tattoo artists), Internet reverends, bastardized Anthony Bourdains or wannabe gynecologists-at-large... all of which yes, I am guilty as self-imposed. For anyone like myself who has a passion, a hobby, an activity of instant bliss, an all-powerful obsession... we all are "specialists" without proper certification in our own little worlds. We are all pseudo-celebrities to our own fan base.
In the life-affirming realm of Open Mic night, these walking hat racks are called "snobs". These are usually guys in cover tune garage bands that have too narrow a musical palate, are overly dedicated to one finite (and typically out-dated) genre or seemingly only know how to play only the same 4-7 songs (if that) over and over ad nauseum. These people have an air of importance that rivals any bonafide Rock Star's. And it's not just an exercise in inward projection turned outward, it's not just masturbation of the ego and it's not just utter ignorance.
It's the lights. It's the stage. It's adrenaline. It's a disproportionate understanding of the universal order. It's the ability to say "Thank you" to a crowd when you really mean "Fuck you for not loving me MORE! Now pay me your meager alms, you pigfuckers!",
Most Open Mic snobs fail to realize that small moment where it's a rush to them, but a drag to us. That just because our ears are open it doesn't mean we wish we could cut them off. That a good majority of the crowd is there for one of two reasons 1) it's a bar or 2) they're just waiting for THEIR turn and - here's the kicker - just because we're clapping, it isn't necessarily "applause". Sometimes a clap is an expression of relief more than of support.
Karaoke Elitists/Queens are a similar breed to Open Mic Snobs except on the grand scheme of things they are FAR weaker in courage and further down the artistic ladder due to the nature of the beast. Most Open mic night "All-Stars" are typically engaged in helping to create the music where as the Open Mic Elitists/Queens are singing to pre-recorded tracks. Many people find it easier to sing than to play an instrument in front of a crowd. Think about it, there's a reason people play "air guitar" than lip-synching. There's far more people singing in the shower than playing a musical instrument in the shower. And save for "steering wheel drums" the same is true while driving about in the family automobile.
BUT, Karaoke Elitists/Queens are far and away more vile and disgusting creeps when it comes to their levels of self importance. Lead Vocalist Syndrome has killed many a successful band on this premise and devoured countless groups before the wheels of success ever touched the ground. Nothing succumbs to the power of a microphone in the hands of a person who fails to notice that the sound of their voice INSIDE their head (where the ear ACTUALLY functions) does differ from the sound outside their head (where our ears ACTUALLY function). It's a small bit of information to put in your pocket - it's the reason everyone seems to think their voice sounds "different" when they hear it recorded. No, Elitist/Queen THAT IS ACTUALLY YOUR VOICE being produced by your vocal cords and your ears receiving those sound waves when they are resonating further than 2-3 inches apart from each other in your gigantic, dense gourd you call a head!!!
To make matters worse - remember those movie/TV/computer "In Crowd" peoples I mentioned earlier? These morons are now being empowered by their outlets of consumption to join the fray as so-called participants. For every viewer of American Idol is another Karaoke Elitist just waiting to sip the nectar of the spotlight. For every Rock Band video game enthusiast is another otherwise fine 6-string gently weeping while gathering more and more dust. Unawareness breeds with itself and makes a nasty concoction of putrid filth for the rest of us - who care about the world in which we are participating - to sort through/tolerate/make fun of on our puny blogs to save money we would otherwise burn on therapy.
Oh gee, another drunk girl plowing through a Dixie Chicks song... awesome. Another hack painfully beating on an innocent guitar while anti-rhythmically fumbling through "All Along the Watchtower". Great. Where's my cyanide capsules when I need them? No, I'm not "better" than these people nor do I feel more righteous or more superior just because they can suck the life out of a room faster than ricin. I feel sorry for them. Sorry to the point that I wish I was dead instead of living in a world were these fucksticks will walk off stage - GLOWING - as if they just won the lottery, a Nobel prize and two Oscars at the same time; empowered to return next week with - oh, so predictably - the very same, exact bag of trick (Yes, such a delightful bag of trick) for our utter bemusement, once again. Huzzah!
To be fair, Snobs and Elitists/Queens are NOT to be confused with people of exceptional talent. people with true artistic talent and expression are welcomed to be the biggest assholes in the world as long as their production doesn't suffer the consequences. I've always believed that when it comes to true talent and proven expertise, there is ALWAYS room for entitlement - IN THAT REALM. There's no reason Michael Jordan should expect anything less than for me to fellate him in exchange for a game of H-O-R-S-E; but he has no right to expect the same from his doctor, accountant or even the incompetent buffoons working at PetSmart. Entitlement stays only in your realm.
Then there are the occasional, freek people like myself that are from the other end of the spectrum - no, the other end... like the back edge of the spectrum - genuinely talentless AND enthusiastically anti-caring of your preconceptions or judgments! I'm going up there for one purpose only - to defy the rules and to do my best to make you shit your pants laughing. I only have fun when everyone else has fun with me!
So next time I'm at your local open mic performing some variation of "Clit Licker in a Cocksucker's World", "I Gotta Kill My Fucking Cat" or "Shut Up and Blow Me" or at your favorite karaoke bar wailing out "I Touch Myself", "Genie in a Bottle" or "It's Raining Men", don't fret - you'll get a mind full of imagery you probably weren't expecting and didn't seek, a belly full of chuckles without hurting your eardrums and definitely your money's worth (mostly because I REFUSE to perform at any establishment that charges a cover charge for these events) - just buy me a drink and we'll loudly and obnoxiously criticize the snobs and Elitists/Queens together!
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