Adam dressed up as a crack baby for Halloween in 'Vegas last year

I wasn't there, but I've got pictures of pictures to prove it!!!

Bizzy to da Shizzie FoRizzy, Quizzy

I am going to Vegas in a couple of weeks, does anyone recommend anything?

It's been several years since I was last in Loss Vegas, when I birthed the idea behind a brilliant song in the process of being composed... "You Can't Go To Las Vegas For Three Days"... but I haven't had the opportunity to complete the ongoing project, so I am going for research purposes to freshen up the reasons that "You Can't Stay In Las Vegas For Three Days", or was it "You Can't Go To Loss Vegas 4-3 Days" and a voice saying '7-11, Craps'.... anyhoo, hopefully I won't end up sitting on a couch with no cushions in a crackhouse this time... since I'm taking the fam'... chances are I won't be in much of harm's way... To be fair, I'm a pretty big dude, so when I'm drunk.. I feel pretty invincible; but don't get me wrong... I know I'm not 'brick-proof'. But along story, shorter and less entertaining than being there...it's still one of the strangest experiences I have ever had -

Like all good stories... I was really drunk and hanging out with a guy I met at a bus stop. We started talking baseball... well, first of all, I never shut up...then to get me talking baseball, it's over!

So me and this dude...we'll call him Carlos, because that's what he told me his name was, we start walking down the Strip (I started the night on Fremont St and walked south, ditching my Mom in the process) and I met this dude around Stratosphere and kept walking south on the East sidewalks. Looked like a regular dude in town just looking for a party... so we talked baseball, drank beers at every casino and I bought a pack of cigarettes, and I shared them with my new friend... Carlos, whose Dad is a Dentist in Southern Cali... asked me questions about managing his 401k and IRA (I gave him NO ADVICE, if you were wondering...) we were getting personal tales of triumph and mischief, et cetera and so forth...

Well, we walked the whole Vegas Strip all the way down to Mandalay Bay and Back up, and we stop at every place we see, walk through, find a bar, get a drink, smoke a cigarette and go to the next casino. We don't gamble but we pay for drinks, it's called playing the "liquor slots" - you spend less than you would lose gambling, and ya get wasted and before ya know it you're out of cigarettes...

Well, we keep stumbling northbound and we come upon a convenience store...a white Kansas-looking girl in overalls comes over to Carlos and starts going all Tennesee (I was kinda close) surfer-drawl Spanish...he starts talking back to Her (we'll call her 'Her' since I forget her name) and suddenly is calling me a "cracker"!!! He's asking her if she thinks I'm a cracker!! Her starts calling me a cracker!!!
I'm like 'wait a minute', I thought to myself we were cool, we were buying each other drinks, we're out of smokes and he is calling me a 'cracker'? I don't understand what's going on... I'm intoxicated, unaware of my physical location and being verbally assaulted!!!
Carlos explains in a very simple manner that basically I "crack him up", that's why he "likes hanging out with" me and he says he was saying "crock-ah" (I don't know how it's spelled) which was he said was Spanish for crack??!!?!?!?
then you find out Carlos is a crackhead! I must be naive or totally stupid... longer story, shorter... Carlos bought the crack from Her, but Her didn't have anything to smoke the crack in...high comedy... around the corner is Her's friends... who conveniently DO have a pipe from which they could consume the 'rock' aka "crock-ah"... right there in the apartment right next to the convenient store...down a dimly lit alley...with a couch that had no cushions...
...as drunk as I was, this was not the place in the world I wanted to be... so I was gone... as I walked away... I could hear Carlos asking Her for some "other favors"... I walked back up to Fremont St...
Yeah, I met some interesting people on the way back... the smelly dancing homeless guy with the radio headphones... sure they were wet from your dance sweat and the music was unintelligible, you shared a song, you sure enjoyed that beer and that moment and so did I... you weren't so crazy, you had working batteries in that radio!!! But I wasn't so crazy, either! I sensed it was time to leave when you might have grasped the notion that I was so drunk that you COULD have bashed my skull that beer bottle and taken my wallet... but I was ready to go home anyway... I had more Vegas than I had wanted, I didn't gamble (any money), got as drunk-to-slightly drunker than I had intended, watched a guy go from Dodger Fan to Crackhead (what's the difference?) in a little over 3 miles and 20-odd casinos, walked the whole strip, and only spent about $45!!! (that includes cigarettes!! Everyone feels compelled to smoke there)

Point is... we left the next day and I got to visit California for the first time...in a VERY hung-over state...(punny) "You Can't Stay In Las Vegas For Three Days" was hatched... or as what I think Las Vegas' theme should REALLY be... "What Happens In Vegas... Never Happened".

Eventually you'll be back, some day... 3 weeks 'til
"Vegas, Baby!"

Manny Stiles' Recipe: World's Best Fire-Roasted Salsa

Yes, I said it! World's Best Fire Roasted Salsa!!!

Making this salsa is every bit as fun as eating it... It is an event when making this salsa, so clear your schedule out of a few hours and prepare to make a mess! It's worth the trouble and each time you make it, it gets better, but it's always good...This is FRESH Fire-Roasted Salsa, so it won't keep for long, it's actually best about 3 days after making it as the flavors intermingle.
I'm even gonna tell you some of the VERY secret ingredients!!!

Needless to say, this is not an easy recipe... I am what is known as a 'dump cook' as in 'dump a little of this in, and dump a little of that in...
This recipe has a difficulty of... let's say....9 out of 10 as there is a lot of making it to your "preference" - however, the fire-roasting is the KEY. Fire roast your salsa, no matter how you make it, people will LOVE it! Salsa LOVERS this is for YOU!!!! (try some on your morning eggs...mmmm)

This recipe makes a large BUNCH of salsa, sure to please many, many people... here we go;

List of essential tools:

- fire (gas, wood, etc... but it needs to have a clean, open flame - I use my gas stove)
- A six-pack of your favorite beer -lagers and darker beers work GREAT (get 2 sixers if you're up to it)
- a couple of bowls you can slop up
- a medium saucepan
- a blender
- tongs
- instruments of stirring
- a sharp pointy knife
- clean hands and a source of running water
- some large containers for mixing and storing the salsa
- a BIG bag of chips to enjoy your salsa (nacho chips work good too! try it!)

List of NECCESSARY ingredients:

- A whole freaking bunch of diced tomatoes ( I use about 6lbs of canned as it's too time consuming and expensive to use fresh - unless you have a garden full of tomaters)
- 4-5 Anaheim Peppers - (those thin curly green ones)
- 4-5 firm Tomatillos (absolutely key to great salsa)
- 2-3 Bell Peppers (red peppers if you like Red Salsa, Green or Yellow if you just don't care about color -they taste the same anyway)
- 2-5 garlic chunks (depends on your taste for garlic)
- one large white onion or two medium onions
- 2-5 jalepenos (more if you love jalepenos, 2 or less if you're a superwhimp -roasting will take some heat out and this is recipe can handle 4-5 jalepenos)
- a wad of cilantro
- a splash of olive oil (or safflower oil)
- a decent splash or two of white vinegar (NOT apple cider vinegar)
- a couple tablespoons of honey, yes - honey

Extra Special ingredients (these can be altered to taste - I use them all)

- more peppers (pasilla, banana, habenero, and those little teeny green ones - I can't remember what they're called, etc.)
- a couple of shots of a bourbon or whiskey (I prefer Wild Turkey - it's not too sweet; use Scotch if ya got nothing else)
- a shot or two of a fine tequila (optional, but a NICE addition, Patron is perfect)
- about 1/8 to 1/4 cup white wine
- one to one and a half fresh limes (not lime juice)
- various spices and seasonings= salt, black pepper, chili powder, garlic powder, cayenne pepper, paprika, etc
- fresh basil and fresh oregano is best
- several tablespoons to 1/2 cup of your favorite Bar-B-Q sauce - any flavor of your choice
- about a tablespoon or so of oyster or fish sauce (find it in the Chinese Food aisle - works great with so many recipes)
- a pinch to a dash to a couple of tablespoons of brown sugar
- a small bit to an irrational splash of "Dave's Insanity Sauce", "Endorphin Rush" or similar hot sauce for the brave idiots that want to test the limits


Now I'm sure you're thinking "That's a hell of alot of ingredients to make salsa" and ya know what? YOU'RE RIGHT!!! But we're not making salsa, we're taking 12 measly steps to make Manny Stiles' "World's Best Fire Roasted Salsa" - afterwards you may need to take an additional "12 steps"... you'll see why!

Step 1a: Put Peppers, Onions, Garlic, Tomatilloes in one bowl, then everything else off to the side
Step 1b: Open a beer, drink it casually

Step 2: Cut the onions in half, De-stem and De-seed and wash out the Anaheims and Bell Peppers (Jalepenos and little peppers don't need de-seeded unless you are really afraid it'll be too hot - it probably won't unless you go to the habeneros)

Step 3: Start your fire and get your tongs! Have a beer - fire and beer is just ahead of chocolate and peanut butter, if you ask me

Step 4a: While drinking your next beer, apply direct flame to all sides of the peppers (except the insides) until the the outsides are completely black. Don't burn the pepper, just the skin. Steps 4a through 4c usually takes a beer or two...
Step 4b: Cut your onion(s) in half and place right on the fire - burn the hell out of the outside, roasting the outer layer completely and using the tongs do the same to the garlic (roasted garlic is among the best scents on earth), then place in a bowl
Step 4c: place the blackened peppers, onions, and garlic in a bowl until you've fired them all and they've cooled enough to handle - then wash all of the burnt outsides and place in a clean bowl, set aside

Step 5a: Now it gets tricky - While you're fire-roasting the veggies, get your sauce pan and a beer. Drink voraciously...(the beer, not the saucepan)
Step 5b: Take a bit of BBQ sauce, some fish or oyster sauce, one roasted, washed and semi-chopped jalepeno pepper, a chunk of garlic (but not all of the garlic), a bit of the onion, salt and pepper, cayenne pepper, paprika, a few dashes of chili powder (but not the cilantro, basil or oregano) add the hotsauce of your preference and simmer in the saucepan
Step 5c: Once it's warm, pour some beer in it and simmer down a bit, then add the bourbon, brown sugar and honey to your preference and continue to stir and simmer at just under a boil.
Step 5d Once reduced and your house smells like bourbon and roasted garlic, mmmm... - add the wine and continue to reduce.
Step 5e: drink another beer - this is taking a while, huh? (I've had a few beers just writing the recipe and thinking about making salsa)
Step 5f: You should have a syrupy, thickened mess by now - add a few splashes of vinegar (enough to make it liquidy again and stir - turn the stove to low and keep warm)

Step 6: Now, you've already made a mess so it's time to drink another beer...

Step 7: By now, you're wondering... what about the tomatillos? They are important as they are full of pectin - a gelling agent that will make your salsa thicker and easier to scoop. Well, I hope you didn't peel the paperlike outer layer on 'em, but if you did... whatever... I just put 'em right in the flame until the outer skin burns off (it gets messy). The key is you have to roast 'em right in the skin (you don't need to burn these like the peppers) so the pectin gets warmed.
Step 7b: Cut the stem parts out - nobody likes to eat that. The next part takes skill, practice and/or luck - peel the skins off of the tomatillos and put them into the blender - it's ok to mash them up - you're gonna blend the hell out of them soon anyway

Step 8: Add the simmered mess from the saucepan to the blender with the tomatillos, add another splash of vinegar and enough diced tomatoes (with juice) to almost fill it and blend it into to a liquid. Add dry spices of your choice here - mesquite flavoring is nice...add more salt now if you need it, I usually don't. There's enough salt on the chips for me...
Step 8b: Add the cilantro, a shot or two of tequila (mmm...Patron!) fresh basil and oregano to the blender and chop while squeezing as much lime juice as you can into the mixture
Step 8c: Pour into your storage container

Step 9: Take the roasted onions and peppers and blend to consistency of your preference (chunky, smooth, etc.).
Step 9b: Drink another beer, we're almost done!
Step 9c: Add chopped pepper mixture to the other mixture created in step 8 and stir...

Step 10: Take the remaining diced tomatoes (I usually strain them a little bit) and either chop them in the blender to make smooth salsa, semi chop to make chunky salsa or just add the diced tomatoes to make 'chip-breaking chunky' salsa.
Step 10b: Add all ingredients together and stir vigorously!
Step 10c: Taste it.... if you're too drunk, have someone else taste it... add salt, PINCHES of garlic salt to enhance the garlic flavor or hot sauces to get it to taste the way you like...too salty? Let a potato sit in there overnight... too garlicky or oniony? add more tomatoes, or just deal with it... then put it in the fridge and forget about it until at least tomorrow (this is tough... once you taste test it, the addiction usually sets in QUICK)

Step 11: Have another beer, You've EARNED IT!!!

Step 12: Wake up the next day... have a couple aspirins and check your salsa... stir it as it has probably settled some... if it is too watery, strain it to your preference and enjoy!!!!

If you have leftovers, call me!!!

Another Written Rendition of a Manny Stiles song

Santan Mountains, AZ








Something About You-
Lyrics by M. Erik Kombol (1997)
Music/Vocals by Manny Stiles (2004)


What the hell is goin' on here?
It never should have been like this
I know it's a little... weird here
but that's not a reasonable excuse

And since when did your decisions come to count so much?

So I can't help but imagine
what it'd be like without you..
different I am sure
but why would I be any different?

You dumb motherblogger! Why am I even writing about you?

What the hell is goin' on here?
I never would have let this happen
and I feel a little too comfortable
for this to be, for this to be real

When did this become something about you?
Since when did your decisions come to count so much?
You dumb motherblogger! Why am I even singing about you?

The Manny Stiles "Hollywood Hat Theory"

[Read this in your best imaginary announcer voice]

COMING SUMMER 2006 ...

"A whole bunch of crap (slight pause) you shouldn't waste a second thinking about, (dramatic pause) but will be inundated to the point you will HAVE to drop some dough on (lengthy pause) just to eliminate the endless commercial onslaught (exaggerated pause) from your programmed mental process... it's (pause, then pause again) the HOTTEST (wait) MOVIE (wait for it) OF (here it is) THE SUMMER!!!"

From the producers of "We Wasted Your Time Last Summer", "Yeah, Two Gay Cowboys Will Get Their Attention" and "Let's Spend $100 Million Making A Plotless Pile of Crappy Explosions and Special Effects"... it's...

Movie! - the Movie

All of the critics agree! Here's proof:
"Two hours I will never get back" says Joe Critic - the Completely Made Up Times
"I'm sorry, what were we talking about?" exasperates Johnny Johnson - What Magazine
"One thumb way up my butt!!!" raves Thumbless Jimmy - Daily Spammer

OK. Pardon my length here (pun is both intended and unintended). A good story is always going to be a good story. And truth almost ALWAYS outperforms Fiction when it comes to attaining the GTFOOH (Get the *freak* out of here) factor. So most true stories make unbelievable movies. But there has to be a point where we have to ask... Why the blog are some of these movies even getting out of the "idea" phase?

Seriously though... how close would we be to curing all of the world's problems (hunger, disease, poverty, homelessness, illiteracy, spontaneous combustion, the hole in the ozone layer, etc.) if we took all of the money we have used to MAKE movies and put that cash to even semi-good use?

Hell, the $$$ spent on Waterworld, War of the Worlds (all versions) and Around the World in 80 days (all versions) alone could have been used in better ways to make this a much better world. (My opinion here- even if they didn't make those movies it would have been a better world)

We're talking HUNDREDS of MILLIONS of DOLLARS every YEAR just MAKING movies... that doesn't count the money spent by the masses seeing them, or the popcorn and milk dud industries. Don't get me started on the award shows, that's a whole other blog topic. Then there's all the critics and reviewers getting paid for what YOU pay to do...and how big is the "Worst Of" industry?? There are people making a living just picking the WORST movies and ranking them, giving them Razzies, etc.

And when I go to work... I can't have conversations about political, religious, social, sexual or even racial issues, but I can yap all day about "____name any movie here____" and it's widely accepted, encouraged and even added to. Where have you gone First Amendment?

WHAT HAVE WE BECOME?

I'll tell you - we are willing, submissive victims of "The Hat"

Q. - What is "The Hat"?
A. - The Hollywood Hat Theory or "The Hat" as it shall be known moving downward is...wait a freakin' minute... let's build the suspense first...

Q. - What is "The Hat" made of?
A. - At best guess... it was originally wool. Then it was replaced by a cotton hat, then probably a polyester hat and then cashmere, of course... today it is either weaved cash, ruby-encrusted platinum or made up up Moon rocks, who knows?

Q. - Where is "The Hat"?
A. - "The Hat" sits in some undetermined (so far) location in Southern California - me thinks it's somewhere between Santa Monica and Malibu

Q. - What is "The Hat"?
A. - It is literally - a hat. Inside of "The Hat" are many small, folded pieces of paper with the names of whomever is "box office" trendy at the moment - some think there may actually be 2 hats - one male, one female, but I don't think so

Q. - Whose names are in "The Hat"?
A. - If you were on E!, Extra!, Access Hollywood or any similar production sometime in the last 7 years... you're in there. After falling out of "The Hat" for 5-7 years, depending on how bad your drug/legal problems are, you can actually get put back in "The Hat" as a "comeback story" - similar side note: Will somebody please wake up Michael Keaton's agent and get some drug/legal issues strummed up... (maybe have him busted freebasing with a transexual hooker and a giant sex toy...yeah, that'll get people talking... "I'm Batman, Beotch!)

also Tom Cruise is perilously close to being permanently banned from "The Hat" - You can't handle the truth, Maypother!!! Don't complete us, we'll complete YOU!!! You're on the wrong couch, dude

Q. - What the hell is the purpose of "The Hat"?
A. - One purpose is keeping Phyllis Diller at work - seriously, thank GOD she only does cartoon voices now. And I'm starting to think Al Pacino must have pictures of somebody to keep getting pulled.
The keepers of "The Hat" reach in, pull out 2 names and Whammo! the Green light is on, now go make a movie!!!

Oscar Winner Al Pacino and a face-for-radio Phyllis Diller in...

Scent of a...Dude, Is that a woman?

also starring Ashton Kutcher, Hillary Clinton, and Michael Keaton as "Tom Hanks"

see? The purpose of "The Hat"...these things practically write themselves.

Q. - How does Manny Stiles know about "The Hat"?
A. - C'Mon...how else do you explain such phenomena as "Showtime" with Eddie Murphy & Robert DeNiro, "Bringing Down the House" with Steve Martin and Queen (where's the King?) Latifah, or every movie starring Nicholas Cage, Ben Stiller, or Jack Black ? (when are you gonna be in Scottsdale again, Jack?) Obviously, making a movie isn't about making a GOOD movie, or sometimes even making money as much as it is about pleasing "The Hat"

So to sum it up....

Why haven't the following movies been made yet?
(Let's get "The Hat" out, find a crappy band to re-do a song horribly and make it happen!!!!!)

"Saturday Night Live" - the movie of course would have to suck AND be loved at the same time
"We've Run Out of Scripts" - a multi-megastudio production
"Citizen Kane" - by Peter "My ego humps itself" Jackson and Jerry "Let's Blow It Up" Bruckheimer
A "Goonies Reunion"
An Actual "Mickey Mouse Movie" (that mouse hasn't done crap in a loooong time)
"Top Gun" (modern day remake with actors that could make plausible pilots this time)
"Jump The Shark" - the movie
"Pointless Movie where "name a starlet" gets topless, etc" - preferrably starring many starlets [these are always a winner]
"The Last Guy Without A Cellphone" (aka the Manny Stiles Story)
"Transexual Love Saga"
"The Neverstarting Story"
"Richard Starkey" - see my post "Free Movie Idea" below
"The Manny Stiles Story" - A guy goes for the big cash grab
"Jackass meets the Stooges" - Mike Myers as Moe, Robin Williams as Larry (both gimmes) and pull a Curly, Shemp and Joe out of "The Hat"
"Extremely Loosely Based on a True Story"
"The Hat - The Hollywood Hat Theory" - A Manny Stiles/Beats By Man Production

I can go on with more...but this blog entry is getting lengthy...

Hollywood Hat people - get your people to call my people, please....