Noah Tall

If you know me, there's something very obvious about my physical being. If you've never met me, I'll tell you what it is... I am tall. I am six feet and six inches tall. To be more accurate, I am exactly two meters tall. 6'6" is tall enough to be tall, but not tall enough to be freaky TALL.

Either way, most likely I am taller than you. (If you ARE taller than me, I'll still dunk on you).
When I go anywhere there are crowds, I can see right over all of the heads.

Being tall is perceived as some sort of positive attribute. (...except for living in a world designed for 'regular' sized people) It is! Being tall enables me to decipher a person's intelligence just by meeting them!
Here's a few things a stupid person will say to a tall person upon meeting them... [my smart-assed responses in brackets]

"You're tall!" [you say exactly what you think, don't you?]

"If I was as tall as you, I'd..." [still be stupid]

"Have you always been tall?" [Yes, Mom went through 9 days of labor]

"How tall are you?" [I'm actually the world's smallest jumbo dwarf]


Why does uttering these phrases make you stupid?

Replace the word tall with any other obvious physical attribute and re-read those phrases... such as...mustached, big breasted, black and disabled for instance

"You're mustached!"

"If I was as big breasted as you, I'd..."

"Have you always been black?"

"How disabled are you?"

Suddenly, you're stupid AND an a$$hole! Can you see how stating the obvious is insulting to everyone except the idiot stating the obvious? [did I just state the obvious?]
Then again, these are the same people who get into car accidents while rubbernecking car accidents...

Try any attribute in place of tall and try those phrases... pigeon-toed, floppy-eared, drunk, box-shaped, Irish, smelly, naked, scarred, transexual, left-handed, balding, sick, pointy-nosed, elbowless, immature, bloody, mohawked, etc. You get the idea...

But for some reason, someone is always willing to remind me that I am indeed still tall [we're all the same height in bed] as if whacking my cranium on things all of those hundreds of times makes me forget... wait... does it?

The point is... I didn't get to choose to be tall. I had really, um... nothing to do about it... but I do choose not to be stupid [even if you're smarter than me, I'll still dunk on you], so thanks for telling me I'm tall!

Who the F*** is Manny Stiles? - the Album

So.....What the hell have I been up to?

- putting the finishing touches on my newest studio album:

Manny Stiles - Who th F*** is Manny Stiles?

Just $7.00 Delivered!!!! $5 for the CD, $2 for shipping (No C.O.D's, allow 4-6 weeks for delivery)

PRE-ORDER YOURS NOW ---> mannystiles@aol.com

Available sometime!!! 29 tracks of Manny Stiles madness, arranged noise and other madness

Including such fabulous and dynamic tracks as: "How Many Stiles?", "Falling Rocks", "the Lottery", "the Lottery, too", "Little Mama Jojo", "Ian Rodgers is a Homo(sapien)[club mix]", "Ian Rodgers is a Homo(sapien)[acoustic mix]", "Haiku Sushi", "Insanity", "the City", "sample 7", "Superstitions", "Enjoy Free Resources", "Bobby" and Manny others

And don't try the whole "Erik, I've known you like forever! Let me get a CD for free..." (except you, Ian) because if I give it to you for free, you'll never listen to it. If you buy it, you'll listen to it and either a) hate it and hate me for making you pay for this heap of digital dung, or b) You'll listen to CD. Like parts of it, dislike other parts of it and each time you listen to it, you'll like it more...then some piece of it will stick, you'll 'get it' and realize that music can be/is deeper than you had assumed before, or finally c) you'll love it, memorize every song, you'll ask me to buy some other Manny Stiles albums; such as

Love Songs and Other Sh!t,

Prick Among Needles,

Man Eats Aisles,

When Then Was Now,

DLBCRYM (Don't Let Big Corporations Regulate Your Music),

Chemland: Dues Paid or Bust (featuring Jerm)

then you'll send me fanmail and weird, obsessive trinkets, then stalk me and come to my house to cook me fantastic desserts and sugary confections...