Yes, I said it! World's Best Fire Roasted Salsa!!!
Making this salsa is every bit as fun as eating it... It is an
event when making this salsa, so clear your schedule out of a few hours and prepare to make a mess! It's worth the trouble and each time you make it, it gets better, but it's always good...This is FRESH Fire-Roasted Salsa, so it won't keep for long, it's actually best about 3 days after making it as the flavors intermingle.
I'm even gonna tell you some of the VERY secret ingredients!!!
Needless to say, this is not an easy recipe... I am what is known as a 'dump cook' as in 'dump a little of this in, and dump a little of that in...
This recipe has a difficulty of... let's say....9 out of 10 as there is a lot of making it to your "preference" - however, the fire-roasting is the KEY. Fire roast your salsa, no matter how you make it, people will LOVE it! Salsa LOVERS this is for YOU!!!! (try some on your morning eggs...mmmm)
This recipe makes a large BUNCH of salsa, sure to please many, many people... here we go;
List of essential tools:- fire (gas, wood, etc... but it needs to have a clean, open flame - I use my gas stove)
- A six-pack of your favorite beer -lagers and darker beers work GREAT (get 2 sixers if you're up to it)
- a couple of bowls you can slop up
- a medium saucepan
- a blender
- tongs
- instruments of stirring
- a sharp pointy knife
- clean hands and a source of running water
- some large containers for mixing and storing the salsa
- a BIG bag of chips to enjoy your salsa (nacho chips work good too! try it!)
List of NECCESSARY ingredients:- A whole freaking bunch of diced tomatoes ( I use about 6lbs of canned as it's too time consuming and expensive to use fresh - unless you have a garden full of tomaters)
- 4-5 Anaheim Peppers - (those thin curly green ones)
- 4-5 firm Tomatillos (absolutely key to great salsa)
- 2-3 Bell Peppers (red peppers if you like Red Salsa, Green or Yellow if you just don't care about color -they taste the same anyway)
- 2-5 garlic chunks (depends on your taste for garlic)
- one large white onion or two medium onions
- 2-5 jalepenos (more if you love jalepenos, 2 or less if you're a superwhimp -roasting will take some heat out and this is recipe can handle 4-5 jalepenos)
- a wad of cilantro
- a splash of olive oil (or safflower oil)
- a decent splash or two of white vinegar (NOT apple cider vinegar)
- a couple tablespoons of honey, yes - honey
Extra Special ingredients (these can be altered to taste - I use them all)
- more peppers (pasilla, banana, habenero, and those little teeny green ones - I can't remember what they're called, etc.)
- a couple of shots of a bourbon or whiskey (I prefer Wild Turkey - it's not too sweet; use Scotch if ya got nothing else)
- a shot or two of a fine tequila (optional, but a NICE addition, Patron is perfect)
- about 1/8 to 1/4 cup white wine
- one to one and a half fresh limes (not lime juice)
- various spices and seasonings= salt, black pepper, chili powder, garlic powder, cayenne pepper, paprika, etc
- fresh basil and fresh oregano is best
- several tablespoons to 1/2 cup of your favorite Bar-B-Q sauce - any flavor of your choice
- about a tablespoon or so of oyster or fish sauce (find it in the Chinese Food aisle - works great with so many recipes)
- a pinch to a dash to a couple of tablespoons of brown sugar
- a small bit to an irrational splash of "Dave's Insanity Sauce", "Endorphin Rush" or similar hot sauce for the brave idiots that want to test the limits
Now I'm sure you're thinking "That's a hell of alot of ingredients to make salsa" and ya know what? YOU'RE RIGHT!!! But we're not making salsa, we're taking 12 measly steps to make Manny Stiles' "World's Best Fire Roasted Salsa" - afterwards you may need to take an additional "12 steps"... you'll see why!Step 1a: Put Peppers, Onions, Garlic, Tomatilloes in one bowl, then everything else off to the side
Step 1b: Open a beer, drink it casually
Step 2: Cut the onions in half, De-stem and De-seed and wash out the Anaheims and Bell Peppers (Jalepenos and little peppers don't need de-seeded unless you are really afraid it'll be too hot - it probably won't unless you go to the habeneros)
Step 3: Start your fire and get your tongs! Have a beer - fire and beer is just ahead of chocolate and peanut butter, if you ask me
Step 4a: While drinking your next beer, apply direct flame to all sides of the peppers (except the insides) until the the outsides are completely black. Don't burn the pepper, just the skin. Steps 4a through 4c usually takes a beer or two...
Step 4b: Cut your onion(s) in half and place right on the fire - burn the hell out of the outside, roasting the outer layer completely and using the tongs do the same to the garlic (roasted garlic is among the best scents on earth), then place in a bowl
Step 4c: place the blackened peppers, onions, and garlic in a bowl until you've fired them all and they've cooled enough to handle - then wash all of the burnt outsides and place in a clean bowl, set aside
Step 5a: Now it gets tricky - While you're fire-roasting the veggies, get your sauce pan and a beer. Drink voraciously...(the beer, not the saucepan)
Step 5b: Take a bit of BBQ sauce, some fish or oyster sauce, one roasted, washed and semi-chopped jalepeno pepper, a chunk of garlic (but not all of the garlic), a bit of the onion, salt and pepper, cayenne pepper, paprika, a few dashes of chili powder (but not the cilantro, basil or oregano) add the hotsauce of your preference and simmer in the saucepan
Step 5c: Once it's warm, pour some beer in it and simmer down a bit, then add the bourbon, brown sugar and honey to your preference and continue to stir and simmer at just under a boil.
Step 5d Once reduced and your house smells like bourbon and roasted garlic, mmmm... - add the wine and continue to reduce.
Step 5e: drink another beer - this is taking a while, huh? (I've had a few beers just writing the recipe and
thinking about making salsa)
Step 5f: You should have a syrupy, thickened mess by now - add a few splashes of vinegar (enough to make it liquidy again and stir - turn the stove to low and keep warm)
Step 6: Now, you've already made a mess so it's time to drink another beer...
Step 7: By now, you're wondering... what about the tomatillos? They are important as they are full of pectin - a gelling agent that will make your salsa thicker and easier to scoop. Well, I hope you didn't peel the paperlike outer layer on 'em, but if you did... whatever... I just put 'em right in the flame until the outer skin burns off (it gets messy). The key is you have to roast 'em right in the skin (you don't need to burn these like the peppers) so the pectin gets warmed.
Step 7b: Cut the stem parts out - nobody likes to eat that. The next part takes skill, practice and/or luck - peel the skins off of the tomatillos and put them into the blender - it's ok to mash them up - you're gonna blend the hell out of them soon anyway
Step 8: Add the simmered mess from the saucepan to the blender with the tomatillos, add another splash of vinegar and enough diced tomatoes (with juice) to almost fill it and blend it into to a liquid. Add dry spices of your choice here - mesquite flavoring is nice...add more salt now if you
need it, I usually don't. There's enough salt on the chips for me...
Step 8b: Add the cilantro, a shot or two of tequila (mmm...Patron!) fresh basil and oregano to the blender and chop while squeezing as much lime juice as you can into the mixture
Step 8c: Pour into your storage container
Step 9: Take the roasted onions and peppers and blend to consistency of your preference (chunky, smooth, etc.).
Step 9b: Drink another beer, we're almost done!
Step 9c: Add chopped pepper mixture to the other mixture created in step 8 and stir...
Step 10: Take the remaining diced tomatoes (I usually strain them a little bit) and either chop them in the blender to make smooth salsa, semi chop to make chunky salsa or just add the diced tomatoes to make 'chip-breaking chunky' salsa.
Step 10b: Add all ingredients together and stir vigorously!
Step 10c: Taste it.... if you're too drunk, have someone else taste it... add salt, PINCHES of garlic salt to enhance the garlic flavor or hot sauces to get it to taste the way you like...too salty? Let a potato sit in there overnight... too garlicky or oniony? add more tomatoes, or just deal with it... then put it in the fridge and forget about it until at least tomorrow (this is tough... once you taste test it, the addiction usually sets in QUICK)
Step 11: Have another beer, You've EARNED IT!!!
Step 12: Wake up the next day... have a couple aspirins and check your salsa... stir it as it has probably settled some... if it is too watery, strain it to your preference and enjoy!!!!
If you have leftovers, call me!!!
Happy Heart Day!!!!!
